The Desert of Almost Death

Some things aren't as funny as they seem.

After our joke of a trial, we met back up with Emryn who had apparently fallen into a “bromance” with a dwarf named Kalgor. I’m not sure what that is, but they do things that a male Halfling and Dwarf should not do together. Not long after we set sail to find Wallril’s father’s killer and Tal’Sheek’s brother, we were inconceivably attacked by pirates! You know, the pirates that we got kicked out of town and that all hated us now? Well it turns out that this creepy ship is even weirder! It can shoot lightning bolts from its ballistae. That totally surprised us and the other ship. I doubt that we will see pirates again anytime soon, but, if I were the admiral, I won’t be surprised when they show up with a flotilla.

We arrived in Disifin on the north continent sometime later. Wallril was told that “R” would be here. And he was. And he kindly folded Wallril in a carrying case for us. “R” gave him a note, which was apparently good enough, and we shipped out for Nephropolis, a short didtance north to find Tal’Sheek’s brother. And, yet again, I woke up to being arrested. I’m really getting tired of this. Back in Mithland, I was to be feared by all. Now I’m just some punching bag that people throw in jail because it gets them off. But I am moving up in the world, this time it was by a sultan.

Turns out, the sultan is working with Tal’Sheek’s dick of a brother, and the arrest was just to kidnap us. Why does everyone hate us? I will say that, when we set out into the desert, that guy spared no expense on the expedition. When we arrived at the ancient ruins that no one had come back out of, we set up camp in a room filled with doors and old writings. The dick went back to attempting to translate the writings and we set out through the only unlocked door.

After wading through some kobolds, we found this large winch thing that Kalgor and I could not move. Apparently, this made Kalgor sad because he and his “bro” went back to the camp to “rest”. The rest of us moved on and cleared out some more kobolds. Seriously, how did at least two groups of adventurers not clear this out already? And where is their loot?

Then we found the kobold shaman, and everything went wrong…
I thought there was four of him at first, but then the images disappeared as soon as we hit them. He also tried to stop us by putting some grease on the ground in front of us. Then I saw the most disturbing thing ever, two mites snowballing each other. I almost died looking at that abomination. Then I realized that dying from mites would be hilarious, and I just couldn’t stop laughing. Then Allaren fell in the grease and couldn’t get back up. I laughed even harder! SOME people (Wallril) didn’t seem to find these things as funny as I did so he thought it would be a good idea to throw a fire bomb on me. That was NOT funny. It was so not funny that I got back up and cut that shaman in half. Who’s laughing now bitch!

We explored a little further and found a crazed barbarian kobold carrying some kind of rune hammer. After we killed him, we found out that the runes on the hammer could change the material that the hammer was made of. But, we decided to head back to camp and take a well-deserved rest.



murphybrainz Nawtyit

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